


Pepper Potts, Most Competent Being Ever

by orphan_account



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Pepper Potts, Herding Cats, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-02 00:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bruce, Pepper, and Tony are in a relationship, featuring Pepper with a planner, organising her boys...and their sex life.</p>
<p>(Rated for frank discussion of sex practices.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pepper Potts, Most Competent Being Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Written on a whim in response to [a comment about how Pepper would "organise the shit out of this relationship".](http://fanficrants.livejournal.com/11126621.html?thread=364119133#t364119133)

"Wait, what? More shirts?"

Tony turned from listening to his life as told by Pepper Potts, to glare at his lab partner.

"Have you been Hulking on the sly, Banner? Busting out of your clothes without inviting us to watch?"

Bruce didn't bother glaring back, as he knew that Pepper would pre-empt him.

Which she did, saying, "The shirts that don't get some kind of unidentifiable chemical or random ink stain on them get BORROWED by someone with access to his personal effects, who then either doesn't return them or uses them as rags."

"Pepper! I'm shocked," Tony grinned.

"What's on for movie night?" asked Bruce.

"It's Natasha's turn, and she chose _The Hollow Crown_."

Tony groaned; Bruce sighed. "More costume drama," muttered Bruce. "If I didn't know any better I'd suspect her of trying to educate us."

Pepper, who did know better and also knew that, in at least one scene, Tom Hiddleston appeared in nothing but a towel and a thin film of perspiration, simply said, "You liked _Shakespeare in Love_ , though."

"Well, yeah," Tony retorted, "because, hello, Gwyneth Paltrow."

"And Joseph Fiennes," Bruce put in.

"Okay, so, shareholders dog and pony on Monday, science Tuesday, home alone Wednesday, movie night Thursday, SHIELD - aka nap time - Friday," Tony rattled off. "Did I miss anything?"

"If you do, JARVIS has instructions to remind you," Pepper replied. "Now about the weekend."

"The LONG weekend?" Tony smirked.

"It's going to be very long, in a very lonely way, if you don't listen up," she said, trying and failing to look severe. She put her BlackBerry in her pocket and leaned on the test bench opposite the two men.

"I sense a riot act about to be read," Bruce said to Tony.

"You know what I'm going to say," said Pepper. "I like surprises as much as the next woman. Both getting and giving 'em. The last one, while well-intentioned, did not go well for me, and probably not for either of you."

"You can say that again." Tony's expression of chagrin seemed genuine (this time). "We did apologize. Profusely."

"And at length," said Bruce. Pepper gave him a smile.

"It wasn't your fault," she said. "At least, it wasn't ALL your fault. I know whose idea it was and I'm not going over that again. What I want to say is that, as scientists, you should both know that real world results do NOT always follow theoretical examples."

"It's not like we have anyone else to experiment on. With."

"Shut up, Tony," Bruce hissed.

"I'm going to address that, this weekend," said Pepper.

"Outsourcing?" Tony grinned. This time Bruce smacked the back of his head. "Ow!"

"Thank you, Bruce."

"You're welcome, Pepper."

"That reminds me...hang on...I need to put 'ball gag' on the shopping list." She pulled out her device and tapped in a quick note, then said, "Unlike you, I'm giving fair warning. I will be introducing both of you to double penetration this weekend - "

Tony looked fairly smug until she finished her sentence.

" - from the receiving end, using dildos, and if everything goes well, by the end of the weekend you can practice on each other."

"While you watch?" asked Bruce hopefully.

"Maybe," she smiled.

"What's the point?" Tony frowned.

"The point is that having two substantial penises crammed into one orifice is not only painful but dangerous, particularly if the orifice's owner isn't sufficiently prepared," she replied. "Before you try that again on me, I want you to know how it feels when done properly."

"Substantial," Bruce murmured. "I like the sound of that."

"But you will be involved in other ways, right?" Tony asked. "It's not the same when you're not there, or just watching. No offense, Bruce."

"None taken," said his friend. "Still hot, just - not the same."

"Oh yes," Pepper promised. "Believe me, I want to be pleasured until I lose track of what day it is. Or know the reason why."

"The day? How about the month," Tony said.

"The year." Bruce fist-bumped Tony.

Pepper looked unconvinced.

"Talk is cheap, boys," she said airily, turning to head out of the lab. She was quickly blocked fore and aft by the "boys", who wrapped their arms around her, locking her into a loving embrace.

"Leaving without a kiss goodbye? What were you thinking, Potts?" Tony said, nuzzling the back of her neck.

Pepper made no answer. Her lips were otherwise occupied.


End file.
